Sweet & Lowdown

Spending some time in my "other life", with school coming in a distant second last week, opened my eyes wide to some things like responsibility and purpose. I am full of hot air a lot of the time - "i'll do this" "i'll stop doing that". I'll turn into the boy who cried wolf before long if i don't start to make good on some of the shit that comes out of my mouth.

So once my wingman headed back to the country for some solitude, i decided i should invest some of myself into my education. It's crunch time at ye olde university, and i have to get to it if i want to salvage this semseter. Some things could already be too far gone to pull out of the pit, but after getting some marks back it has become clear that i can succeed with a little effort. So i'm putting a little effort in.

Tomorrow night is the ASS staff party - touted to be a big event, with lots of drinking on the shuttle bus, and dancing at Kokomo's... i have a ticket, but am not going to use it. Sunday night is a family do chez my parents, but i am going to have to pass. I will be spending the entire weekend reading & writing in two languages, for two major events that take place monday: a term paper and an exam. I am prepared for neither. Miracles had best ensue.

Going out is fun. I miss it. Hopefully it will happen with a bit more frequency.

Clarity has presented itself to me in an amazing form. I was worried last week, about my brain being a little too close to the edge - but something cool has happened to me as a result of all the dark times of the past 16 months. I don't want to be on the edge. It's a strange thing, kind of like drugs... appealing despite its destructive properties - my mind enjoys the "other" way it thinks but it makes me crazy, and if i go crazy again i don't think i would survive. This knowledge has armed me with the ability to prevent disaster. It's amazing. When I felt shakey and started to slide, i put a stop to it, pulled my socks up and started to get on with shit. I am not explaining this very well, but suffice it to say that some kind of strength i have been practically desperate to find has actually been found.

Oh yeah, and i got a ticket to Willie Nelson.